I recently read about the philosphical concept of the “self” being a sum of infinitely small moments. Or, the sense of self is the observation of a full lifetime of those moments. It is actually mind-blowing to think that consciousness would develop as a function of memory. It brought to mind parallel thoughts I’ve been having about “self” and “other” – how a self is only realized in the context of a “non-self”, i.e., you need an “other” to exist for a self to be defined. But thinking of the self as the observer and storer of one’s own experiences changes that thought. Because it seems theoretically a self could exist completely independently of an other – a self is self-contained, a closed system of observed experiences. And yet the self, or the minutia of these infinitely small experiences, which translate into the passage of time, is influenced through biology, and can influence the other through biology. Biology is probably an oversimplification. I’m thinking of hormones and cells and bacteria and neural pathways that are influenced by external stimuli. Ultimately, quantum physics would define those interactions.

It is interesting to think of the concept of God as a self alone within an infinite universe – or perhaps as the universe’s awareness of itself. Biblically, when god creates man “In our own image, after our likeness” (Genesis), the creation is a deliberate action to form an Other. Although the language of “we” in Genesis, and the Christian idea of God being a holy trinity, perhaps adds layers to that which I have not yet explored.

But another outcome of this idea that the self is the observer of the experiences contained within one mind-body, is that it is easier to imagine nothingness after death. I don’t like that idea. Probably because I was raised religious and have always caried a bit of a fantastical leaning toward the infinite possibilities of the unknown. I would prefer not to box post-mortem experience into one simple result: nothing. But, if the observer ceases to have anything to observe, what else can happen but true cessation.

Unless there is an overarching Other – God, observing all others, who contains the full memories, observations, sensations of each self. Could each self be an infinitely unique permutation of the universe’s awareness of itself, as if the universal awareness engages with itself in infinite ways, and in that sense the multitudes of self-observance that are limited to bodily experiences (i.e., the self-observance cannot continue if the vessel storing the memory perishes) is absorbed into a larger observance of the universe towards itself. It is as if the physicality of humans, or earthly beings in general, is what allows us to be distinct. Infinitely distinct – with a probability of being repeated at some point in an infinite universe, I imagine. This distinctness captured within one life and observed by the larger whole is like a scaled version of the infinitely small moment that we observe within ourselves.

I find hope for more than disappearance after death in the mystical experiences that human have reported across centuries, and the commonality of a feeling of “oneness” which seems to be linked with peace and love. I do not think that should be disregarded just because it cannot be measured and defined with our current technological capabilities. Even pure science hits roadblocks when it comes to measurement and observation. In fact, it was Heisenberg who showed that at the subatomic level, observation (or measurement) is what makes the occurrence reality. Something that is not observed cannot be said to have occurred.

I digress. This is a tricky thought path to walk.